My Bipolar II Disorder Is Not a Blessing or a Curse
May 27th, 2021
Long before I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, I was constantly labeled as an “Old Soul”, a “Sensitive Soul”… Not that my diagnosis and these descriptors have a correlation, but it was something that I now look back on and realize was a bit problematic. Because most of the people in my life using these descriptors were clearly seeing the early signs of my disorder but did not understand nor see the whole picture. Instead it was as if the way I was processing the world was through the lens of sensitivity and not unprocessed trauma.
Getting diagnosed at 25 years old with Bipolar II disorder is not a blessing or a curse. And here is why…
I felt as if I was set free and put in a box all at once. I was set free because my trauma healing journey felt like it made sense for the first time in my life. While my preconceived notions of bipolar disorder (thanks to the media) made it feel like this diagnosis was a curse I would never be healed from. This is why we talk about mental illness M A T T E R S. No one should feel discouraged when they are diagnosed. Instead, people should feel empowered to learn more, to get curious, to ask any and all of the questions. To step outside of the idea that a diagnosis is a box and instead is a blueprint to work from. Our brains are powerful as hell. And for so long, I thought my brain was just trying to sabotage me off of this earth. But here we are. Openly writing about a diagnosis that felt so freeing and so debilitating all in one go.
Being diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder does not define me. I know that. I recognize that. But on the days that it does feel like it defines me, I remember that this is not a blessing or a curse. If anything, this diagnosis is a door that is now open. Bringing more clarity and foundational resources to my healing process than ever before. And if I need a little more of a reminder on my darker days, I remind myself of my favorite quote I have ever written, in the midst of a depressive episode:
“Darkness can only exist with the essence of light in mind.”